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An Introduction, or Why am I here?

It’s been a wild ride! I’m a 40-something professional on her second marriage with three special needs angels. I’m expanding my hobbies into theology and cooking, particular kosher for the non-kosher.

Some would look at my life and say I’ve failed to live to my potential. I would argue that I’ve been blessed. My mistakes have become learning opportunities. While I’ve not climbed academic or professional ladders, my skills and experience have given me a unique vantage from which to view life and maybe sow a word of encouragement or wisdom at a time and place least expected.

So why am I really doing a blog? I’m a writer. Words are an addictive elixir–luxurious, seductive, the sweet song of a siren. So here, more so than on Facebook, I want to explore ideas and observations from a different perspective, perhaps one that might make some uncomfortable and yet make others feel like they can identify with a truth ringing in their heart, mind, and life at that moment in time.

Who knows? I may even share some recipes and pics and internal dialogue of various events. I’m just strapping into my raft for the white water rapids of life.

A fair warning — I am not politically correct. My views are not necessarily the views of any political or social group with which I temporarily hang my hat. If you don’t like a little cognitive dissonance and interior discomfort, don’t stay. And I write that truth with all the agape love I can muster…

A Fare Thee Well

It’s been fun,
It’s been real,
It’s time for me to move on from here.

We’ve shared some jokes,
We’ve cried real tears,
This whole group has been so dear.

Please don’t cry,
Please don’t moan,
Catch me in my new blog home.

The last 2 or 3 months have been some of the most challenging in my life.

I walked with my partner through his hip replacement. Then just days before Christmas, I learned how to adjust his concentrator and set up a manual oxygen tank if the power goes down because his COPD has worsened.

I walked with my older two through testing that indicated that their eyes met the bare minimum legal requirements to drive, but their brains just don’t quite have the speed to drive. OT may or may not improve that.

My mother couldn’t help as much as she would have liked because she fractured her wrist due to a fall on the last night she helped us after my husband’s surgery.

And right about New Year’s I came down with a virus that zapped me for about two weeks.

All the while this has been going on, I’ve been considering my blogging home.

Around Thanksgiving, I had another one of my FB rants on FB about several issues. In the course of conversation, I was invited to try Medium, another blogging platform.

I started my account, deleted it, and started again. When I got in, I was amazed and surprised and overwhelmed. But I loved it…

For nearly three weeks, I’ve been putting content out here and there. I also tried moving some of my content from here to there.

While I don’t have the same following or like there that I do here, I really liked the diversity of thought and variety of writers and posts that I saw. The reviewing layout was also awesome. I’m still struggling with my format limitations on my posts as well as a more complicated posting process. But in general, I liked it a little better.

So, I made the painful decision that I am going to be doing my blogging on Medium. Please come visit me at my blog’s next edition, cornily and egotistically entitled Kittie Phoenix, The Next Edition.

It’s going to be the same mix of poetry, inspiration, and opining that you’ve come to expect from me here. It’s just at a different web address. And I’m working on bringing some of the better pieces (your favorites by number of likes and my favorites as the author) into the new location.

And no, I haven’t figured out what to do with the token to send it here from there. If I do, I might send some of the better ones here.

Thanks for the memories.

And now, in case we don’t meet electronically on this side of eternity again, to (mis)quote a far better Writer than I:

The LORD bless you and keep you. The LORD make His face shine on you and give you grace. The LORD turn His face to you and give you His peace. May you wear His name and be blessed.


Jewels of Her Tears

The tears of a woman
Are jewels from the hand of heaven.
They are a down payment
On a future of love, joy, and companionship.

A man who can’t handle
The tears of a woman
Will never treasure the heart of a woman.
Abba numbers a woman’s tears.
He dances with the happy tears,
Weeps as she mourns,
And acts justly on the angry tears.
A man who follows after Abba’s heart
Will wisely and judiciously
Count each shed tear
A jewel in his heavenly crown.
He will treasure the trust
She shows by crying before him.
He will never harm
A weeping princess of God Most High.

Only a sophomoric sop turns his back.
Only a fool ignores a woman who weeps.
Only a coward scorns the jewels falling from her face.

Your Mistake

You were given a treasure,
A jewel of great value
Buried in the dust
Among the graves and ruins of humankind,
But you were young.
You lacked experience.
You were befuddled by the weeping woman-child.
You could have held her,
But you hung your arms bewildered.
She could have been yours,
Whisked away from another man-child.
You could have wooed her all night,
But you botched the job.
You passed her off.
Who knows what was lost that night?

Waiting Room

Sitting and waiting
On a day we knew would come for months
Exhaustion wrestles anxiety in an epic match
It looks like exhaustion has anxiety in a submission hold
But anxiety kicks out
I know you’re in good hands
But I’m alone
Help asked for always denied
So Jesus sits watching invisibly at my back
If I could dig trust out of the heart closet
Life would be better for us all

A Mizpah Mistake?

I remember years ago there were these paired necklaces. The two pairs together made a whole coin, called a Mizpah coin. On the coin were two hearts with beautiful text from the Bible, along the lines of “The LORD keep watch between me and thee while we are absent one from another.” The coin was then cut in two in a jagged way, and each part hung on a chain. It was either a couples thing or a BFF thing depending on how you looked at it.

I was young and naive. I always thought it was such a beautiful expression of care and concern. So much so, that I whispered it in my husband’s ear as they were wheeling him away for a medical procedure. And even as I was doing it, I had this queasy feeling like I was wrong, like it was the wrong thing to say or the wrong situation.

So, while I was eating lunch, I did the Christian equivalent of Bible google. It was not a pleasant situation that I found. The words we as a culture always thought to be so loving and caring were actually part of a threat from a father-in-law to a son-in-law. Let me explain.

The words come from a story in the life of Jacob, later renamed by God to Israel. Jacob’s life spans many years and many chapters in the book of Genesis. Jacob was a right rascal. He’d deceived his father into giving him the inheritance even though the custom was that the firstborn was to receive it; Jacob was second born, a twin who delivered by grabbing Esau’s ankle and following Esau out.

Esau was naturally disturbed, well more like in a murderous rage. So Jacob went on the run and found his way to working for Laban. Laban had two daughters. Jacob did not like the look of Leah, but loved Rachel. Laban agreed to let Jacob marry Rachel.

Jacob was not getting a good and kind father-in-law; instead he was getting a lesson in the wrongness of deception. By the point in our story that the quote is said, Laban has:

  • Tricked Jacob into working seven years to earn Rachel
  • Tricked Jacob into marrying Leah
  • Tricked Jacob into working another seven years for Rachel
  • Changed how much Jacob could earn while he worked for Laban (10 times no less)

So Jacob lied to Laban and took off with all his wives, kids, and earthly goods. Evidently, deception was a family affair because Rachel stole some idols from her father. Laban caught up with everyone and accused Jacob of the idol theft. Jacob, as a follower of God, would have detested idols, so he said Laban could search his caravan, seize the idols if found, and kill the thief. Obviously, Jacob trusted Rachel too much, but Rachel wasn’t done. She sat on the idols and refused to move, deceptively stating it was “that time of the month.” (All of us modern peeps know not to mess with PMS, right?)

With the idols not found, Laban blesses them all, and he and Jacob build a pile of stones as an altar, closing with the following quote before he literally kisses them all goodbye and leaves:

And Laban said, “This pile is a witness between me and you today.” That is why its name is Gal-ed, or Mizpah, for he said, “Let Adonai keep watch between you and me when we are out of one another’s sight. If you mistreat my daughters, and if you take wives besides my daughters, though no one is with us, look! God is the witness between you and me.”

Laban said further to Jacob, “Behold, this pile, and this pillar which I’ve set up between you and me: this pile serves as a witness, that I won’t pass by this pillar to go to you, and that you won’t pass by this pile and this pillar to go to me—with evil intent. May the God of Abraham and the gods of Nahor, the gods of their father, judge between us.”

Jacob also made an oath by the fear of his father Isaac.

–Genesis 31:48-53, Tree of Life Version

So what is the Mizpah Mistake?

First, when you take a Scripture verse out of context, no matter how beautiful, you miss the point of the lesson to be learned and you settle for less than God’s best that the Scripture is designed to give you in life.

Second, it’s the point missed from the entire passage. Sometimes, relationships are so broken, and the people in the relationships are so broken, that we just have to let go. Not only let go, but let go the right way:

  1. Talk it out
  2. Agree to disagree
  3. Set the boundaries
  4. Go your own way.

For My Husband…

Author’s Note: This is based on the song, “Bless the Broken Road,” performed by both Selah and Rascal Flatts. I’m including a link to the Selah version here.

“Bless the Broken Road” in surround sound–
And I believe every word,
Yet the pain in the journey
Sears my heart and floods my eyes.
It wasn’t the North Star
Leading me to your arms.
It was the man
Your broken road shaped in you,
Blessed by Jesus.
But my road still isn’t straight,
And I can’t find the joy and strength
To bless my broken road.
Hold me close and don’t let me go
Until joy in the journey dries my eyes.
Bless me with your love.
Hold me in your arms and on my feet.

Love me
Until I can love you
The way you deserve.


Zippy Takeover, #13

The Game

I know I told you before about the game I like to play with my humans. They have these big black bags of all the fun things they don’t think are that important. Most of the time, they take them away before I ever get to play. Worse, when I try to play, they really move and take those bags away.

So now I wait until they’re sleeping or until they leave me all alone. I used to like being alone, but now I miss them when they leave. So when they forget, I run straight toward the black bag and slide into it. This makes the bag open and the opening falls to where I can reach it.

Oh, then I’m just… well… happy beside myself. I dig into the bag until all the toys are all over the floor. Then I roll and roll and bat things and wiggle my tail. Sometimes, I pick up things with my teeth and run into furniture to feel how the thing gets when it hits something. Sometimes, I hide things all over for my humans to find (but lately, they close doors so I don’t have too many hiding places).

But when they come home, they don’t look too happy. They’re not excited like I am. They look almost mad. Then they pick up all the toys, put them into the bag, and the bag goes out to be stolen after a few nights.

The Other Game

These humans so like and forget they like their weird bones. The bones do such wonderful things: pictures on the box change, air blows from the wall, warm places come from the floor. I’m starting to try to protect the weird bones so my humans don’t lose them. They always seem to forget where the bones are and act like they can’t get them. Don’t they know how important it is to always know where your bones are?!? So I’ll help them. But again they don’t seem to like it too much when I help. I don’t understand.

I’m Confused

I used to have a second bed in my Mom and ‘On’s room. Sometimes, I even got to sneak up on their bed.

But lately, my bed moves. I have been with each of the whelps for a few nights. Every few nights, the whelps move me to another whelp room.

Is this a special reward? Did I do something right? Or am I doing something so wrong I can’t be with Mom and ‘On? I don’t understand.