At first glance, you wouldn’t exactly be able to tell my hubby and I are “one flesh,” especially if we’re cleaning the house or doing grocery shopping. We’re both a little reserved, so the usual “tells” aren’t there unless you really watch. To those who don’t know me well, he may even seem an odd selection (but much better than my ex).
So why did I end up with someone so much older than I and so vastly different?
I loved the story his life told.
He lived in a simple townhouse. Although he had the latest gadgets, they were always bargains…carefully researched based on features and price. He was frugal, but in a good way…he would choose to live within his means and tried to only get into debt for medical issues. That debt was managed carefully according to long-term payment plans that netted a discount when a lump-sum payoff was made a few hundred dollars within the goal.
He was generous with his time and treasure. I could listen to his friends, not him, talk about the afternoons he spent with the men’s group at his church giving oil changes and doing detailing for single moms in the area. He also tried to work with the handyman’s group that would do simple odd jobs for those on a fixed income. When he talked, it was always about his sponsor child half a world away and maybe some day getting to visit that island.
His actions spoke volumes. We would juggle date night so he could help his grandmother with her electronic gadget issues. When I got a chip fracture because of the dog (a story for another day) and could only hobble, he’d spend the weekend in the spare room and help feed the kids, play taxi, and get things straightened up to try to get us through another week.
His movie choices were, for the most part, wholesome, positive, and uplifting. For the first time ever, I dated a guy who liked the simple fun of children’s movies or the honest message of a faith-based movie. It was awesome. (Yes, every once in a while, we tried more adult films, but neither of us was real happy.)
The greatest gift in his personality was that he was comfortable in his own skin. He didn’t feel the need to impress anybody. He wasn’t afraid to go head-to-head against me debating ideas. He could laugh at his learning issues and physical problems, turning something that would have taken him off the market for most women into a real strength.
So I let him talk to me about marriage only three months into our relationship. I agreed to let him meet the kids, and when that went well, I stopped arguing against marriage. Finally, he asked me at Christmas 2010 to marry him. Yes, I did let him chase me til I caught him 🙂
We do have differences and we’re working on them. A bachelor moving into an established house with four females is difficult. The kids aren’t used to having a male around, and they aren’t used to firm rules and boundaries, so we have a few rebellion mushroom clouds. I’m not used to having to share executive decision-making (preccciousss, my preccioussss).
But it’s all worth it. His viewpoint is challenging and different. He makes me a better person. I am becoming the best me I can be. And that, my friends, woos my heart over and over.