Saul of Tarsus, in one of his epistles (AKA letters) to the church in Corinth, penned the words (NKJV):
You are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read by all men; clearly you are an epistle of Christ, ministered by us, written not with ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of flesh, that is, of the heart.
I’ve been playing a lot in my head with the words living and epistle. I’ve been wondering:
- If I were the only Jesus some saw, would it be enough? Or would they feel like Ghandi that they love my Jesus but not my Christianity?
- Which of my personal “hall of heroes” would show up time and again as authors? Would it be the strong warrior chicks in my family, my “spiritual parents,” or sowers who left seed so deep it will not be until we all meet again on the eternal flip side that they and I will find out how much they impacted me?
- Has my heart been fleshy enough to receive what the still, small Voice wishes me to know and learn at this point? Or is the ground of my heart stony, thorny, and full of clumps of clay, unable to have any good put into it on some area of disagreement with His will?
I could go on and on like this. The problem with questions is that the unanswered ones are truly not worth asking. In examining my heart and life, there are no rhetorical questions. Every question should be explored.
Sometimes, I love the answers; it’s been a gold star day, or I’ve been able to reconnect with my authors, or I’ve receive a thought so new, bold, and challenging that I’m blown away and can’t wait to apply it to my life.
Other times, I’m not real happy with what I see. I’ve blown it in a relationship so badly I want to burn the draft and start over; I’m sure my heroes would walk away, shaking their heads in bewilderment; I’ve not only hardened my heart, I’ve hidden in a bunker of denial and arrogance.
And finally, there are times when the answer is WAIT because there will be no clear answers until the eternal flip side. That is my constant struggle: Knowing that I will get to know but not for a while yet, waiting for answers to questions that hauntingly boggle my mind and heart, dealing with amorphous realities that I cannot analyze and quantify.
And that is where I have to begin to plow my faith…