Top 13… Or Why My Childhood Home Is My Adult Home

Many years ago, as I was leaving my ex, I moved home with my parents because three kids under five was not ideal for being a professional working woman in the real world. As the kids’ needs were identified, the help was still given and needed. I happily negotiated to buy the house from my mom when we thought the time was right.

I never dreamed I’d grow weary and want to leave. Four years ago, I’d met my current husband, and we’d talked about selling both our places and buying something in between. As much as I love the little school that I grew up in, and as much as the teachers are “kick @55” professionals who exponentially maximize what little they have, I knew that the kids needed subjects and classroom techniques that were different (and more expensive) than the little school could afford.

I also never dreamed I’d be legally blocked. Check out this link, and then come on back for my commentary:

Now that you’ve read it, if you’re in the US, and considering divorce, you might want to check your state’s laws. I saw a figure that indicated that at least 80% of the states had similar laws.

Also, realize that what is so simply stated in the law becomes a 23-question form in which every aspect of the move is analyzed. The custodial parent has to prove that it really is good for the child. In addition, you have to exhaustively demonstrate that the move is not because you and the non-custodial parent don’t get along well. *begins giggling maniacally and darting eyes paranoidly*

It’s funny how as soon as something becomes incredibly difficult it starts to be incredibly desired. It’s worse when you have to get the equivalent of permission from someone you didn’t get along with enough to stay married to. And then there were the relationship issues (he was nasty at times and wouldn’t get help, but I digress…).

So how do you survive when you can’t fight and you can’t take flight?

Laughter… you find something funny in the situation and focus on the humor until it doesn’t bother you quite so much.

Now, I will warn you: I tend to go for the dark, gallows humor. It’s very dry, and it doesn’t seem funny until you’re living it.

So without further adieu, here is my attempt at laughter. I am going to do a critical, practical, earth mother analysis of the top issues with this law. Now, most people do a top 10. However, 13 has always been my favorite number.

So, I am going to copy the top 10 from a recent FB post I made to my friends, and then, through the magic of writing, add three more to expand it. And yes, I will block my kids’ account from accessing that post 🙂

13: Keeping connections where no connection exists anymore… except DNA… which may be no connection at all…

12: Assuming that laws can force the things that didn’t exist in marriage… you know, clear communication, considerate collaboration, and constant cooperation…

11: Presuming that the esteemed courts truly understand what children need..

10: Increasing a county’s profits by increasing the numbers of filing fees for custody related documentation…

09: Ensuring the future draw on social security is decreased through shortened lives due to chronic stress…

08: Creating even more work (and fees) for lawyers and their staff members… as well as child development professionals as both sides seek custody evaluations…

07: Building and sustaining a state’s and county’s tax base for about a decade (and possibly a town’s or school district’s)…

06: Decreasing the financial stability of the custodial parent through forcing court action and possibly preventing better, more gainful employment…

05: When relocation is permitted, ensuring the custodial parent’s every movement is tracked down to the GPS coordinates…

04: Enforcing continued long-term negativity and drag for a childhood…

03: Helping custodial parents achieve maximum spiritual challenge through a burgeoning number of opportunities for spiritual growth…

02: Inflicting a decade or more of cruel and unusual punishment for a decision made with a less wise decision-making process….

And the top item on the list

01: Making life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness meaningless…



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