Author’s Note: This is mostly targeted to genetic females. It will contain some coarse, crude imagery and language. Be warned. And don’t expect logic and coherence. Thanks to my younger, smarter sibling for some of the phrases and imagery.
I’ve had it. I am sick and tired of the way some of us treat each other.
The bitch-on-bitch violence has to stop!
I’m not talking about actual physical punching and slapping. I’m talking about all the homicide and assassination by words.
Let’s not keep perpetuating the lie told to us by the patriarchy. Words can and do hurt, and women hide the scars behind personas, makeup and clothes, pounds of fat, and solitude-seeking.
Some examples (or variations thereof) I’ve seen or heard include:
- What is wrong with her? She’s far too old for that style. Doesn’t she know she shouldn’t be wearing that at her age?
- Why isn’t she at work more? We all have kids and church. Can’t she stay just a few more minutes?
- Why would she marry that… well, I guess I’ll call him a man? But he’s the ugliest excuse for a man I’ve ever seen. She must not love herself much.
- Why can’t she help at the PTA? We’ve all got jobs too. We could use her skills.
- I think she should spend more time with her kids. They don’t behave very well. She must not have her priorities right.
- She should be more forgiving of her ex. It’s been a long time. What would it hurt to pick up the phone once in awhile?
- She’s not very interested in men. She keeps to herself. Wonder what she’s hiding. Is she a dyke?
It has to stop. We have to stop hurting each other, even when we’re doing it behind our backs. In perpetuating these kinds of comments, we make it easier for abusers to hide, rape victims to be ignored, employers to perpetuate employment inequality, and suicidal people to snuff out their lives forever.
If you don’t like the way someone acts or talks, just walk away. If someone pulls you into a conversation that sounds like one of those comments, try flipping it and suggesting mercy. Some fun responses for each of the above include:
- Actually, that’s a very chic new style. She must be so interesting and courageous to try something new.
- A few more minutes aren’t really a big deal to you, but maybe that’s her quiet time to change perspective and switch roles.
- Actually, I hear he’s fabulous with a quirky sense of humor. By the way she looks, he’s probably been a very positive influence in her life.
- Maybe PTA’s just not her thing. If that’s the case, I’d rather she not participate than bring a lackluster support attitude.
- Maybe her kids have issues you can’t see or haven’t heard about. She might be doing exactly what the kids need.
- What is so special about a phone that everyone thinks you have to answer it just because it rings? A scientist named Pavlov did that once with dogs, and the results weren’t that great for the dogs–all drool and no food.
- I adopt a don’t ask, don’t tell policy regarding sexuality. Besides, alone doesn’t mean broken per se and is not a good indicator of sexual preference.
In essence, if we as genetic women expect to be taken seriously and treated with respect, we need to start treating each other seriously with respect.
It’s a big playground. The tug of war between the genders has been going on for centuries. If we want to even have a chance at a draw, we need all the players on our side we can get who are as functional as possible physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. If we can’t be kind, if we fail to treat each other well, if we fail to work together, if we fail to defend each other, we might as well just drop the rope now and go home.
“For the way you judge others is how you will be judged — the measure with which you measure out will be used to measure to you.” [Matt the Palestinian IRS Agent]