Infernal Gratitude

Author’s Note: This is the promised piece written from the demonic standpoint in the styles of C. S. Lewis, Paul Harvey, or Frank Peretti. 

Dear General Dick,

I appreciate your support for my transfer from your Lusty Erotic Legion to the Ether Ensemble. It’s been centuries since I’ve been given this kind of opportunity; I’ve watched friend after friend leave for other things and wished they would screw up so I could take their place. I was also afraid that since my friend Wormwood didn’t do so well with his charge I would never get a chance.

I am so delighted and amazed by all that the Ether Ensemble has been learning and doing in just the last two or three decades. I always thought we were so much better than those two-leggeds and Hym. However, to see all the machines and power that have just been exploding lately is so much more than I can bear.

And there are so many divisions–I really wish you could help me decide just where I fit.

The Lust troop is really powerful. The images proliferate and grow larger than life. We’ve been so successful at teaching the two-leggeds to hide what they do. I was almost revolted by the special ops that gets images of the baby two-leggeds, but yet I was also so enticed. And the devastation to relationships when the images become common knowledge–I love the devastation, but Suicide Squad and Depression Collection are just too wimpy and pathetic for my tastes.

Loco Mental troop is really devious. All the discouraging messages that are given to the adolescent two-leggeds…well, maybe not devious, but again Suicide Squad and Depression Collection are cleaning up.

Then you have all these systems… um, the two-leggeds call them apps… that have unique addresses and logins and passwords… It is so devilishly delightful to breathe in the face of two-leggeds; they forget these things and have to call the help desk or tech support… Anger Association and Abuse Assembly just rock it with this stuff.

And then this Fakebook thing… to post nasty things and then delete them… or to post nasty things and get the recipient to return over and over and over… I get disturbed when we work together but somehow Suicide Squad, Depression Collection, Anger Association and Abuse Assembly just make it all happen in a smashing fashion.

The black ops in Loco Mental are something else. They actually get two-leggeds to change files and the text in those files and then they put those files with the same name right in over other files. To watch the two-leggeds in schools and universities crying and cursing others and hating themselves is absolutely superb. And then the hatred, manipulation, and back biting in the office settings over changes no one seems to track… I have never been prouder to be in opposition to Hym in my life.

And oh, the Machiavellian mob… they are inspiring all kinds of deception and theft and fraud. So many two-leggeds lose their entire life’s savings by not knowing they’re at a bad site and leaving account numbers behind. Then there are the groups destroying everything on a hard drive and charging two-leggeds money to fix it… when the group caused it in the first place. And some two-leggeds sit away from other two-leggeds with machines that steal the data on the mark… er, credit cards. The Machiavellian mob members do so little to get so much… what a stunning and delightfully gratifying exhibition of our opposition to Hym!

Chaos Cartel is absolutely a smashing good division. They get two-legged in the machines called cars to look away from the road and check out texts on phones or emails on note pads or traffic density on GPS devices. Bang! Smack! Crash! If there’s no souls for us to snag and permanently separate from Hym, at very least we can have some injury or financial chaos, sure again to bring on the work of Suicide Squad, Depression Collection, Anger Association and Abuse Assembly

The Order of Observation is interesting. However, I don’t fully understand all its purposes yet. I know it involves watching others without being caught and then using that information to create chaos. It’s a lot like our Peeping Peers or Stalking Suite in the days before Ethernet and telephone. It’s been used by countries and organizations and employers and spouses.

I wish we could find a way to work in the Food Formation. I always enjoyed the smells of what they could get those two-leggeds to indulge in, but the Ether Ensemble isn’t as based in the senses of taste and smell. However, practically speaking, Ether Ensemble does offer far more opportunity for advancement if I can just avoid the antics of my jealous peers.

Admittedly, I will miss causing permanent separation from Hym. That said, this group with all its subdivisions is subtle. It causes little separations from Hym through unwise choices that Hym doesn’t like and just through wounds that easily fester and persist. I’m sure it’s a far better place for me to operate with my superior intellect and skill.

Again, I appreciate your support for my transfer.

I will not serve Hym!

Your former assistant, the Goofy Goblin


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