Category Archives: Personal Update

A Fare Thee Well

It’s been fun,
It’s been real,
It’s time for me to move on from here.

We’ve shared some jokes,
We’ve cried real tears,
This whole group has been so dear.

Please don’t cry,
Please don’t moan,
Catch me in my new blog home.

The last 2 or 3 months have been some of the most challenging in my life.

I walked with my partner through his hip replacement. Then just days before Christmas, I learned how to adjust his concentrator and set up a manual oxygen tank if the power goes down because his COPD has worsened.

I walked with my older two through testing that indicated that their eyes met the bare minimum legal requirements to drive, but their brains just don’t quite have the speed to drive. OT may or may not improve that.

My mother couldn’t help as much as she would have liked because she fractured her wrist due to a fall on the last night she helped us after my husband’s surgery.

And right about New Year’s I came down with a virus that zapped me for about two weeks.

All the while this has been going on, I’ve been considering my blogging home.

Around Thanksgiving, I had another one of my FB rants on FB about several issues. In the course of conversation, I was invited to try Medium, another blogging platform.

I started my account, deleted it, and started again. When I got in, I was amazed and surprised and overwhelmed. But I loved it…

For nearly three weeks, I’ve been putting content out here and there. I also tried moving some of my content from here to there.

While I don’t have the same following or like there that I do here, I really liked the diversity of thought and variety of writers and posts that I saw. The reviewing layout was also awesome. I’m still struggling with my format limitations on my posts as well as a more complicated posting process. But in general, I liked it a little better.

So, I made the painful decision that I am going to be doing my blogging on Medium. Please come visit me at my blog’s next edition, cornily and egotistically entitled Kittie Phoenix, The Next Edition.

It’s going to be the same mix of poetry, inspiration, and opining that you’ve come to expect from me here. It’s just at a different web address. And I’m working on bringing some of the better pieces (your favorites by number of likes and my favorites as the author) into the new location.

And no, I haven’t figured out what to do with the token to send it here from there. If I do, I might send some of the better ones here.

Thanks for the memories.

And now, in case we don’t meet electronically on this side of eternity again, to (mis)quote a far better Writer than I:

The LORD bless you and keep you. The LORD make His face shine on you and give you grace. The LORD turn His face to you and give you His peace. May you wear His name and be blessed.



Ending the Cycle… This Time…

I know the last few pieces have been more dark and somber. I do thank you for sticking with me through it. Yet I think it was time to lance that roiling mess in my heart. I’m hoping not to write on it again… ever… But it’s like most things in life… it’s cyclical, and the next time will be better.

I would like to share some final related thoughts as Christmas nears and I prepare to celebrate the birth of the Light of the World. Even as I write these, Zippy is scratching at his doggy bed waiting to take over my keyboard, and I have a new poem for my hubby just in time for Christmas.

First, you would think after my experience I would support gun control. I do not. No law will ever stop those hellbent on destruction and chaos from creating it. Rather I support teaching all of us–gun owners and the gun-shy alike– what responsible gun ownership and responsible gun handling look like. When you know what should be, it’s easier to recognize what isn’t. Also, I support having game plans for those in the presence of irresponsible gun owners and handlers, as well as means for reporting those irresponsible with gun ownership and handling.

Second, I encourage you to do some research on Della Reese. Ignore her days on Touched by an Angel; ignore her years as a minister of God’s grace. Find information on her abuse and survival. I found a good summary on YouTube. While my abuse was a little different (I was blessed to leave before I had marks on my body), her openness to discuss her situation and how much experience she had before picking her abuser as her partner helped me to recognize that nothing was my fault and gave me the courage to face the darker parts of my abuse history.

Third, some abusers can change. It takes Christ and a lot of hard work. If they change, they do deserve a second chance…with appropriate supports and supervision. However, the victims and survivors will have feelings that should be considered as well.

Finally, this is a hard time of year for some. I’m including some related hotline numbers and web sites. Please don’t become a statistic if you’re in a bad situation; choose life and hope and get help.

Telephone Numbers

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
  • Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-422-4453
  • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
  • National Runaway Safeline: 1-800-RUNAWAY

Web Sites

Personal Update, End of Summer 2016

Time is flying. My youngest is back to school while my twins are pounding the pavement looking for gainful employment. My husband has learned he needs both hips replaced, with the first surgery just in time for the holidays.

Feel like you need a breath? I did, and I do. I’m finding my writing comes in cycles. I go days with nothing, and then in one day I can write several pieces.

I’m trying to be a little disciplined and give you as my audience small bits at regulated intervals. Yet, I don’t want to schedule so far out that doomsday happens, and I’m posting to no one for a month.

My husband, dreadfully concerned for my health and sanity and thereby the sanity of all I live with, sent me away for a weekend to an all nations powwow. Not his choice, mine. Mostly out of curiosity and my need for a slower pace.

The pieces that are scheduled for the next three weeks are written as a result of that event. Mind you, I’m not native, so don’t look at these pieces as the be all and end all of native lore. They’re just my thoughts and feelings as I attended and browsed bazaar stalls and smelled wonderful smells that still have my eyes watery and sticky (yeah, allergies aren’t good).

Also know that there is only respect and no offense intended.

Personal Update, Spring 2016

I have been truly blessed as a mother that my twins are going to graduate with a real diploma. They have had numerous struggles from being born too early to wrestling for simple communication to dealing with teasing and bullying. BUT God gave them the grace to persevere.

As a result, I’ve planned special trips for both of them. One has recently completed. It was actually one of the most restful and productive times I’ve had as a writer. I am hoping to convince the other to go to stay at the same place with different activities because it felt so right for me.

Since life is so chaotic over the next few weeks, I’m going to dump all the pieces I’ve been working on. However, I’ll be kind and schedule them out over the same time frame. I also found some gems from others in my travels that I’ll share as well.

World Weary

Bitch-on-bitch violence,
And a forest of new diagnoses and recommendations,
And changes in employment administration…

The world is heavy on my shoulders,
And the weariness just grows.
My mind is spasming, experiencing writer’s block throes.

I cannot breathe,
And yet each breath responds to subtle control.
Food no longer has a priority.

Stop the world.
I want to get off.
Atlas needs to shrug.

Next Steps Question… Baby or Bust?

All righty then, gang! I’m hoping WordPress is far better than FB at getting my messages out.

The winter doldrums are starting to lift. I’d like to revisit my warrior clan matriarch and do my next series with DeadLife Nightmare (or whatever I called that dreaded alchemy concoction).

The problem I have is that no one has voted for the challenge my warrior chick faces. No matter what, she’s going to be a nexus point for the solution. But I can’t decide if I want her free of the extra mouth or if I want her facing this with a second wave of (foster) motherhood.

So, I’m hoping you as my faithful band of readers will leave me a comment or two to indicate which path this story goes.

Unhappy Halloween

Gang, I warn you here and now, this isn’t going to be my usual feel good post. It’s going to be something you will need cheese and crackers to eat as you read.

Halloween has never been my time of year.

Autumn is a season that looks like the whole world is dying with no hope of resurrection. In my head, I know spring will come (good Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise). But my heart, my achy muscles, and my stiff joints swear unto the entire universe that it is a time of death.

I wrestle because I remember those in the neo-pagan tradition no longer in my life. I remember the life and times we shared, and I feel the darkness and heaviness because I had to walk away. After all, they couldn’t offer me a god who sacrificed himself for his people. But I still miss the light in their eyes and the quirky humor (and a graceful waltz or two).

I don’t enjoy the idea of being something I’m not and wearing costumes (outside of drama). After years of struggling to become what I am and what I’ve been called to be, it just seems less than honest.

With the food issues, it is even less happy. Usually, my kids don’t get to go out for Halloween. My former denominational pew (where they still live) always had a special service. This year, though, the area towns decided to have trick or treating on a different night than Halloween. Because my ex-husband has struggled with health issues, he asked (quite politely and in an undemanding style) to take them. And I’m just a gal who can’t say no…

Enter Exhibit A. See the featured image. They returned all chatty with three bags of candy. They agreed to have a common pot as long as Child A could have some. I began my mommy sleuth tactics… two hours ago.

As you can see, there’s not much that she can have. The bowl for waiting for ingredients list is a little fuller. And the bowl for what she can’t eat due to allergies is larger and the fullest.

Yeah, I’m locked and loaded. I have just emailed every product manufacturer that had an email address. And, since I don’t have the bucks of a Trump, I never expect to hear from them again.

But maybe, if we all would work together, we as consumers could do a boycott and a boycott. We buy only from those companies that provide wholesome, organic, allergy-safe products. We do not buy if a company takes a hard line. Working together, we should have the bucks of a Trump.

Maybe I’m just a dreamer.

Meanwhile, until this nightmare plays out for another year, I advise you to refrain from approaching the momma bear.

Should you choose to approach, bring coffee.

And whatever you do, don’t bring an item from the bowl labeled Child A CANNOT eat 😦 !!!