Tag Archives: Love

Your Mistake

You were given a treasure,
A jewel of great value
Buried in the dust
Among the graves and ruins of humankind,
But you were young.
You lacked experience.
You were befuddled by the weeping woman-child.
You could have held her,
But you hung your arms bewildered.
She could have been yours,
Whisked away from another man-child.
You could have wooed her all night,
But you botched the job.
You passed her off.
Who knows what was lost that night?

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For My Husband…

Author’s Note: This is based on the song, “Bless the Broken Road,” performed by both Selah and Rascal Flatts. I’m including a link to the Selah version here.

“Bless the Broken Road” in surround sound–
And I believe every word,
Yet the pain in the journey
Sears my heart and floods my eyes.
It wasn’t the North Star
Leading me to your arms.
It was the man
Your broken road shaped in you,
Blessed by Jesus.
But my road still isn’t straight,
And I can’t find the joy and strength
To bless my broken road.
Hold me close and don’t let me go
Until joy in the journey dries my eyes.
Bless me with your love.
Hold me in your arms and on my feet.

Love me
Until I can love you
The way you deserve.

 

Letting Go

Author’s Note: Hoping against all hope this is the last on this topic for this year. Late fall was never my time of year; I always seemed to face tough decisions with the wrong outcome or received bad news. (Yes, I am publishing way after authoring. 🙂 )

Always different, never fitting in,
Meandering, orbiting, never connecting,
Yet somehow I found brothers and friends.

But the shackle on my finger
Locked the blinders on my eyes.
A weapon invisible in the distant mists
Barred me from taking the shackle and blinders off.

My heart was frozen…
My mind was a rock…
My tongue was a sword…

I wanted to push you away,
To protect you,
I couldn’t, wouldn’t cradle bloody, cold corpses.

I just wanted to hide in the open for a while
So your lives could shine.

I called “Olly-Olly-Oxen-Free,”
But you were all gone,
Like sand flowing over my fingers
Digging at the shore.

Some are lost, some are found,
And nothing’s coming back,
Nothing’s back for me now.

And though I’ve seen light and life and joy,
The prison door’s still open.
I crawl in,
Covered in my briny tears,
Wallowing in guilt and loss, shame and remorse.
Then push out,
Becoming a joy filled robot again.

Someday…
I want to tear the prison down;
I want to let it all go;
I want to really live free with joy.

For now…
It’s only words–
Too few at the time,
Too many too late.

Needs and Wants Alone

Author’s Note: A long time ago, in a blog post far, far away, I shared a poem that started with a similar line. After all that time, I’ve further refined what I was feeling.

She cries alone,
But she shouldn’t,
And she doesn’t want to be.

She looks like an ice maiden,
But her heart quivers with love
That she can’t seem to give or receive.

She seems so strong,
But the little girl hides,
And the woman lets her.

She wants to connect,
But time speaks love to her,
And gadgets and apps steal time.

She longs for that friend closer than a sister,
But the scars run too deep,
And no one knows how to break through.

She stands strong,
But her will melts,
And her need shatters her resolve.

She cries alone,
Begging that a prayer whispered on the dark wind
Becomes the beacon to fuel what she wants and needs.

I Miss…

There were people in my life.
I’ve opened my hands,
And they’ve slipped through like hourglass sands.
I miss…

Twirling on his arm to Orinoco Flow
Sitting with snacks and talking angels and demons with her
Challenging him to teach me a point of theology
Listening to her argue hip-hop as a musical genre
Watching a new age Jesus with them and bonding
Eating Asian food with them to the flavor of kamikazes

I let go too soon.
They slipped away too fast.
What was lost can never be regained.
But even that knowledge can’t plug the hole in my heart.

Maybe…

If I pray hard enough,
If I wish long enough,
If I want great enough…

We’ll all pass through the crush of the crowd,
And meet up on the other side.
I could only dare to dream.

Make it real.
Take away the pain.

Expecting…

As I stand at the sink washing vegetables,
You sneak up behind me.
Your breath on my neck
Starts to melt my cares.
Then you place your hand on my stomach,
And I catch my breath.
I know that spot is empty.
There’s no way to house new life.
Yet I wish…

I wish we were 20 years younger,
Together as newlyweds starting out.
A grainy grey and white photo hangs on the fridge–
With the next gold medal gymnast
Tumbling around inside of me,
Kicking against your hand held within mine.
That cock-eyed boyish grin spreads across your face
And makes your crinkly eyes twinkle.

But it’s no good.
So I start to inhale deeply
And melt into your arms again,
To appreciate the love, hope, and joy
You’ve birthed into my life.
Knowing that it’s enough for you
Helps grow it into more than enough for me.

The World on My Platter

My word is my bond.
I have nothing if I don’t have integrity.
The issues are so complex
I cannot find the right kind of mentor.
I love life,
And I want to shine His Light
To a dark, weary, dreary, blind place.
It’s a solitary solo stance.
I feel exposed and naked.
Shame fights to pull me down
Yet grace buoys me up.
I want to be so real
That the spiritually hungry beg for Living Water.
I want to be so authentic
That my love for others
Blinds them to my sin
And momentary hypocrisies.

I want..Me and Jesus at the Convent.
I want…
I want…

The world to willingly bend the knee to My Master,
Knowing He is the only Perfect One,
Knowing His followers are only perfect in being broken.